Nothing Is Sacred

This year's `X Factor' winner has recorded Leonard Cohen's `Hallelujah'. I was horrified to learn this as I awoke to another day and hoped I'd dreamt it. This is one of those songs that truly qualifies as one of the greatest ever written, by anybody's standards, including God's. Legend has it that it took Cohen at least a year to hone it to perfection after discarding some EIGHTY verses. A Sistine Chapel of a song really. It is heartbreaking, bleak, eternally true and transcendently beautiful. Real tears are shed to this song by true music lovers all over the world.

But hey, along comes Cowell, who decides it's just the song he needs to give to the three finalists in his grand plan to ruin music and make himself richer. My initial reaction was one of abject paranoia. I felt as if the rising tide of mediocrity and disrespect had finally reached my door and threatened to destroy one of my favourite songs JUST TO ANNOY ME PERSONALLY. Work like this is the pinnacle of the art of songwriting. The emotional power of such a precious jewel can truly elevate people and take them to a sacred place. This is what music means to me, and thankfully I am by no means the only one. There are thousands upon thousands of us out there. It is an affront to everybody who was ever moved by this song.

The `X Factor' final was won by Alexandra. She's inevitably one of those soul divas who thinks that singing a dozen pointless notes in the space where one meaningful one will do is a substitute for soul and emotion. I forget her second name. Don't worry, everyone else soon will too. (Oh, apparently she's a Burke...damn you Wikipedia you know too much !)

What a wholly and completely inappropriate song for ANY of these pitiful lambs to the slaughter to sing anyway, given that it at least relies on some life experience before it could even begin to come across convincingly. Isn't it incredible that it didn't even matter who won the `million pound recording contract'* be it Burke, little Irish hair gel boy or J2O or whatever they're called, that any of them were deemed worthy of singing this song, and presumably any of the other 118,722 cattle who queued up in our rainswept towns and cities for hours in the hope of being humiliated by the musical philestine who brought us Robson and Jerome.

Q: Is nothing sacred ?

A: No, not any more

After my usual bout of ranting and raving (apologies to long suffering wife and child) and a visit to the Xmas Panto where Cinderella was determined to "accentuate the positive" I thought I'd take a leaf out of her book. After all, she got her reward in the end by marrying a Prince with tits.

Anyway I got to thinking of the absurdity of the situation, all those kids and musically challenged grown-ups who will go and buy the wretched thing, toss it aside after a couple of weeks but in the process line the pockets of a 74 year old genius poet from Canada none of them have ever heard of. This is indeed a sweet silver-lining because Leonard Cohen was recently relieved of most of his pension fund by his manager, and despite winning the court case against her was told he'll probably never recover the money. Nice manager, I hope she's enjoying the millions she stole. Don't you just love people sometimes ?

Futher research drew a groan of inevitability that...guess what ? The winner of `American Idol' in March this year also sang `Hallelujah'. God almighty, there really is no beginning to the imagination of Cowell, the man Roger Daltrey once famously and accurately described as a "turd" (I couldn't find his original quote but was delighted to find this instead....two turds for the price of one. Roger, put it there me old son !)


Reading on, I was delighted to learn that the ultimate outcome of the `American Idol' victory was that Jeff Buckley's definitive reading of the song topped the download chart instead, giving him a posthumous number one, thanks to a protest campaign by people who'd just about had enough of this shit. Don't you just love people sometimes ?

I am even more heartened to learn that there is a similar rising tide of disgust in the UK and that there are campaigns to do the same thing and stop this wretched, overwrought landfill from being the UK Christmas number one over here by downloading the Buckley version en masse over the week to follow.

Join the campaign on Facebook NOW.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=66500765224

The extra incentive is that Xmas `Top Of The Pops' makes a return this year. Wouldn't it be sweet to drink a toast to the mighty talents of Leonard Cohen and Jeff Buckley on the 25th December instead?

*When they say `Million pound recording contract' what they mean is that it will cost them a million pounds in manufacturing, promotion, mechanical royalties and paying Simon Cowell. The (ahem) artist is unlikely to see much if any of the money generated and will be back working in Tescos this time next year if she's lucky (there is a recession on you know).

More festive fun soon ! Sorry if I'm getting on my high horse a bit recently...I have a treat lined up from 25 years ago to lighten the mood next time. A true DIY Christmas musical extravaganza from the days when we made our own entertainment. Aye them were the days etc etc....